my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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