ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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