were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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