There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize