He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
