Will you blow on my dice?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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