I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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