Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
