I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
