Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it because I queefed?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
