he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
