Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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