im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
