i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
