He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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