I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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