you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
