girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
