I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
