So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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