Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
