His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
