dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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