i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
