I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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