you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
