it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
