i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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