So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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