can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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