I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
