best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
