I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
