About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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