I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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