Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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