My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
