you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
