Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
