im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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