you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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