I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
