That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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