Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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