i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
stop calling my apartment porn island.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
