I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
