i already hear my dad disowning me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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