i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's rum buckets o'clock
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
