i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just cropdusted the office
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
