i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
