I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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