I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
