My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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