I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
