if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Actions speak louder than pants.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
