Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
