A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
id be glad to
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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