when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
