So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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