They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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