shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I could make wine with my vomit
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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