Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
