There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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