OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
