I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
