a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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