Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
