first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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