When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
