she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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