I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
