She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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