idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
