She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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