Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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