He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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