I just pynch a tree in the face
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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