What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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