All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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