Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
